As it turns out, Starbucks is attempting yet another innovative approach to expanding their brand’s reach to those who may not appreciate a $9 caramel macchiato. Introducing, BEER… at a coffee shop.
To be fair, Starbucks has offered both coffee and alcohol in both Portland and Seattle for some time now, which was apparently effective enough to expand the concept to “as many as 12 cafes in Atlanta and Sothern California by the end of the year” – Reuters. As of right now, permits are pending in 2 Southern California locations: Orange Ave., Coronado and Agoura Rd., Calabasas.
So, for those of you who have always dreamt of a scenario where “Friends” and “How I Met Your Mother” would magically converge into a wild world of coffee-drinking, beer-chugging, Barney Stinson-meets-Joey Tribiani craziness, well, first of all… slap yourself for imagining this (slapping myself now), then prepare yourself for that EXACT scenario at your local Starbucks in the not so distant future.
What could be a couple potential side effects?
1) Books either stop being produced or become much more interesting – We all see them: the independent writing douchebags who feel the need to post up at the local coffee shop to make sure everyone sees them working on their latest “Faster Than The Speed of Love.” – FamilyGuy
Well, with beer coming into the mix, motivation could be lost OR creative juices could start flowing that the beer flowing through the writers’ fingers. I prefer the latter. Imagine a world where Huck and N-word Jim break their sexual tension with a raft-shaking interracial sexual encounter. Imagine a world where Charlotte is a blood thirsty Black Widow, luring children into her web with her web-strewn words. Yeah, waaaayyyy more interesting.
2) Starbucks gang-fights become more… um, interesting? – We all know the classic story: one gang sees another gang invading the Starbucks on their turf and decides to show their grit in an all-out brawl to defend their Starbuck’s honor. – Huffingtonost
Now, imagine that same scenario with beer. Yeah, scary stuff huh? One guy crying in the corner about his girlfriend. Another guy over the counter pouring himself another cold one. The next guy wielding an espresso machine like a medieval weapon. Yeah, way more interesting than a gun fight.
3) Starbucks actually becomes cool? – If you’re anything like us, Starbucks is not exactly a place where a man wants to be seen. I mean, seriously, $10 for a cup of coffee you can brew yourself for the change you find in your couch cushions?
But imagine the collision of beer-drinking, manly-men with the cappuccino drinking hipsters and hot suburban housewives under a single roof. How amazing would it be to get hammered while watching the grunge crowd making douches of themselves and the hot housewives strutt their stuff? I’m not sure I can imagine a more amazing people watching scenario.
And there you have it… coffee AND beer on every corner in America, eventually. We are still waiting for the official release of the proposed 12 locations, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you were to find a CoolDudeStuff T-shirt standing in line when they finally launch this crazy scheme.
You think those guys who thought up prohibition every imagined a scenario like this? Haha, F@#%! Those guys.